Its been a super long time since i last blogged but had a sudden urge to do so , to write down my thoughts .... I've been thinking and realised how easily things around us change , start or end ... A start of a friendship , the end of a major exam , a wrong decision , the lost of a loved one ... Changes around us happen all the time and many a time , we dont even notice it until it happens , at times we dont even realise it or only realise it years down the road ... Its amazing how at a blink of an eye pain , anger , joy , sets in as change happens ... It is always change that brings forth these emotions in people , a loved one hurting you (pain) , a fight with a friend (anger) ... Theres so many negative aspects of change yet it is with change that joy is brought forth into people's lives ... A person who lives in pain everyday and feels like he has lost all hope meets with a near death experience , he wakes up feeling happy he lives yet theres a part of him that wishes he's dead to end all the pain and suffering he's been going through ... Humans are very interesting , though it is impossible for joy and pain to set it at the same time , when change occurs , everyone feels it differently from one another ....



Not finished yet , just a draft of my thoughts running wild , will continue tml , if anyone happens to read it , do drop ur views on this ... thx alot ...

Jael got away at 11:17 PM.

Wells i just saw a super sick video on facebook of a lady using her heels and stepping on a kitten ... A seemingly perfectly normal female in a dress that seemed totally harmly shocked me when she placed an innocent kitten on the floor and used her heel to first step on the tummy then the leg , head an neck ... It was so gross that i skipped on near the end and the night images shown was the eyeball of the kitten a short distance away from it and 2 seconds later the whole head had been cut off from the body ... I guess really , its hard predict and understand the thoughts and nature of people ... That was just gross ... Wells its my duty today and wells its been pretty slack , since its a sat and the camp is empty i decided that instead of wearing my whole green army uniform and boots to do my duty until tomorrow , i walked around the camp the whole day in a singlet , shorts and a pair of slippers ... Only thing , wont be able to sleep that soon , hope that when i reach church i will awake and not a stone ... wells im off to surf the net and watch some tv ... peace out y'all ...


-end-

Jael got away at 9:46 PM.

Wells its been so far , a great start to 2010 ... Somehow it is a breath of fresh air compared to last year ... Theres an unexpected amount of joy and hyperness in me , seems like for awhile its gona be hard to get me down ... The news of a sat duty(the one im doing now argh!) and the news of the 14th feb(chinese new year day) duty didnt get me down ... Even after hearing that i would need to book in of the 13th and only allowed out on the 15th , somehow i just brushed it away as if it was the most natural thing had just happened ... Somehow looking at the members in the cell group , theres a huge urge like never before to build and rise them up , though some meek and queit , some different in the eyes of others , some new to church , but the potential in them is limitless , a small push , a small motivation , a person who will get them fired up , perhaps thats all that they need to get them to start running ... With their own eyes though they cant see it but looking at them i can see the potential thats inside of them just waiting to birth out ... Theres a huge feeling , urge , thought inside of me to do something about the members and i for one am not going to let it remain as a feeling but an action shall birth forth of the feeling , urge and thought ... Higher they shall go !!! ... (end of church/cell portion) ... As usual , my brain was running wild(thats normally the contributing factor to the amount of rubbish that sprouts out of me) and i landed on a thought that hass been pretty much stuck in me for awhile ... For the year 2010 or 2011 i want to pick up something new ... I have been thinking about it for awhile and i have 2 ideas of things i might want to learn ... For now they are 'boxing' or 'a new language' ... I gona let my head spin around for another 2-3months and see if theres anymore thing i might want and chose 1 out of the choices ... Lastly , Its been a great week for me so far , had a chance to message a friend that was not really close to me ... through the week i believe that friendship was really built through the rubbish that we messaged and im glad that even in army , while in army a new friend outside of army is birthed out of it all ... So heres a thanks to 'You who does not wish to be named' and also thank you for the pineapples im gona get ...




-The end- (im starving=.=)

Jael got away at 5:22 PM.

Heres a rushed post in few mins before i leave home and meet sp to do the banners ... Wells for awhile i have been thinking about faith and how it is related to people of different religions and even those who are free thinkers ... Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen ... It is the same for everyone out there , heres an example , a kid goes into the exam room believing that he can get A's for his exams ... The kid cant see the 'A' he might get in the future but he has faith that it would come to him ... I have a question then , if faith is in even those who are un-believers how do we associate faith to being spiritual then ? ...

wells off to meeting sp and back to camp , argh food poisoning ....

Jael got away at 11:11 AM.

Well , i realized that more often than not i tend to observe my surroundings and allow my thoughts to run wild ... So here's a new type of post ' A penny for my thoughts ' where what i observed will be written down ... Last sat , while being on bus 131 to novena to take a train i realized something interesting yet saddening ... As i entered the bus i looked around and saw quite a few different groups of people sitting on the chairs , they were mostly sitting alone on double chairs ... As the bus reached the stop before where i dropped i watched as 3 guys sitting far apart from each other exited the bus , 2 teenagers and 1 middle age man ... I noticed that the 2 teenagers were generally wearing the same color shirt and pants and as they exited the bus they climbed the overhead bridge and starting chatting , as i looked on i realized that they were brothers ... The middle aged man in front of both of them turned out to be their dad ... As i watched them i could not help but feel a little hint of sadness in me , 2 brothers and their dad going out together yet not willing to sit with each other and isolate themselves from the other ... As i looked on i realized that sometimes the people who are closest to you 'physically' turns out to be the ones that are furthest away from us ... Though seeing them daily , the thought of wanting to draw close never occurs and somehow we are drawn to people who we do not really know and dont see often ... How truly saddening relationships have become ... hmmm ...

Jael got away at 12:37 AM.

wells ... It seems i , myself am not sure whats going through my head right now ... Questions asked by a few why im acting the way i am and in all honest truth i dont know why myself ... Some ask if im angry with you , some ask if im displeased with what you talked to me about , some asked if i think the talk we had was not my fault ... Truth be told , not 1 of them is what im feeling at all , i know that it is my own doing and i do not hold anything against you at all ... i know that i was the cause of it and the chat we had was to let me understand and grow ... somehow im alittle disappointed that i would actually cause this kind of thing to happen in the 1st place ... somehow im not really compelled to wanting to tell people certain stuff now ... somehow i dont know what to say when i see you , i guess its just me ... its not i dont want to but somehow the words dont form in my mouth and looking eye to eye with you seems hard ... Maybe i feel guilt or maybe its betrayal of trust over what happened , i really dont know ... christmas is around the corner , right now my thoughts and feelings are secondary , im gona end good this year too ... i just want to say im really sorry for everything , i really didnt mean for anything to happen ... If anyone that happends to see this know what i might be feeling , feel free to send me a sms , i really wana know why i might be feeling like that ...

Jael got away at 12:15 PM.

Wells its quite late at night but somehow i just dont really feel like sleeping ... Past few weeks have generally been quite tiring ... I've realised that for me now , its no longer about wanting to do stuff or not wanting to do it but I feel I do it because i know i have to do it ... Somehow the thought about wanting to do it or not doesnt even cross my mind , I just do it ... Not too sure if its good or bad but thats something I have found to be different in me now ... Recently i've been thinking about the time when i 1st arrived in church , it has been a short period since then and at times i wonder if things has progressed a little fast ... Right now I'm growing and trying to expend and mature myself but at times as i look at myself i feel a little upset , somehow at times i feel like im not that awesome person whom people say i am ... There are times when i falter , times when i feel like im just sooo tired and times when i feel sooo dry and when people say im doing a great job at times i feel like i am letting them down alittle ... Is my thinking wierd ? ... Anyone that happens to read this pls feel free to reply me thx ... After some stuff that has happened im quite disappointed in myself ... hmms ... Continue , continuing ...

Jael got away at 1:52 AM.